Remind me why we did this
by getfuzzyfan04
Summary: MJ and Peter are happily married. Since there's a new crime fighter in town, Peter doesn't have to do as much work. But when MJ wants to move and start a family, Peter finds out that his work is cut out for him... [Complete because...uh...more inside]
1. Ack!

AN: Hi everyone! This is my first spider-man fic. It's set 3 years after the second movie...so if you haven't seen it then you shouldn't read it until you do. This is based COMPLETELY OFF OF THE MOVIES! I REPEAT, COMPLETELY OFF OF THE MOVIES! So don't kill me okay?  
  
Summary: MJ and Peter get married after a year of dating and decide to leave the city and start a family because another hero has been helping him (Wasp, I know, it's lame, but whatever. This is an AU fic.) and he's finally got enough time to teach his classes with having to "go to the bathroom" and jump out the window to save the city from destruction. So they move to Connecticut and they find out that life is busier than ever.  
  
Chapter one  
  
Peter sighed as he graded another student's paper. He hated how students didn't spell check their papers and pretended that grammar wasn't important in science. Mary Jane walked out of the bathroom and sat across from him at the table in their dining room.  
They had bought a nice apartment in Queens and commuted to work in Manhattan everyday. MJ had become a talent agent with her own office but she still acted in some smaller, off Broadway plays. Peter was a professor at NYU, teaching science and giving small lessons to students about photography occasionally.  
  
MJ: What's wrong?  
  
Peter: Well, no one bothers with the grammar and spelling in their papers anymore and it's pissing me off...I hate taking points off... especially when the content is so perfect...  
  
MJ: Oh... Well how about you take a break and I can make some coffee or something...  
  
Peter: That would be really great...  
  
He pushed the papers to the middle of the table and stood up stretching. MJ also stood and walked to their small kitchen. Peter smiled, happy that he didn't have to jump out of the window and swing from building to building until he got to Manhattan. Another man named Jackson, who called himself Wasp, had started to fight the crime in the city, which gave him a huge break. In fact, he hadn't been in his spider suit for over a month. Peter smiled to himself as he sat back down down. Jackson had revealed his identity when they were saving a kid from a hole. His mask had fallen off when they hit the ground and then he had to tell Peter who he was. He had gotten his powers when he got stung by a radioactive wasp. He actually had time to save people because he still lived with his multimillionaire parents who didn't seem like they would be making him get a job or move out any time soon. They had met up a few times and had become friends. MJ walked back into the room and handed him a mug of coffee after taking a drink of her own.  
  
Peter: Thanks...  
  
He took a sip.  
  
MJ: So I was thinking that we could move to Connecticut since you don't have as much crime to fight because of that other guy...I mean, if you want to...  
  
Peter thought about it for a second after he took another sip.  
  
Peter: That sounds like a good idea... I can teach at a school there and you can move the business there too...  
  
MJ looked down into her coffee as if she could find something inside of it. She looked up at him and spoke quietly.  
  
MJ: I was thinking that we could have a baby...  
  
Peter coughed up some coffee into his cup.  
  
Peter: Uh, a-are you sure?  
  
He bit his lip and took a sip of his coffee.  
  
MJ: Well, yeah. I've always wanted a child, tiger...  
  
Peter: I guess we could wait until we find a house to you know...  
  
MJ: Great! So everything's planned! This is going to be great, it's like we're starting over! But not really!  
  
Peter smiled nervously. It's not that he didn't want to be a father, he was just afraid that he would mess up and the kid would end up shooting the crap out of him or ending up one of those people who ran away from cops everyday of their lives. However, he wasn't really worried about the house that MJ wanted. After all, she did pick out the house that they were living in now and they didn't have to scrape up the money to pay for it.  
  
MJ: I was looking on the internet at work and I found this cute little house that we can afford...  
  
Peter: Wow, it sounds like you were doing your research...How did you know that I would even say yes?  
  
MJ: Because I know you...I'll go print out the picture.  
  
She leaned across the table and gave him a kiss as she stood to put her mug away. Peter sighed again and put his head in his hands. He sat and looked at the walls for a minute, thinking about what their life together would be like if MJ was pregnant. He groaned, thinking about mood swings, bladder problems, and having to do twice as much work around the house.  
  
MJ: Hey Pete! I have the picture!  
  
Peter stood and walked over to the living room where their computer was. MJ handed him a picture. It was a medium sized house made of brick with lots of windows and a large yard in the front.  
  
MJ: So, what do you think?  
  
Peter: I like it...It's nice... but are you sure that we can afford it? I mean, it looks sort of expensive...  
  
MJ: Yes. I talked to my friend Arlene who just bought a house. She said that she got a found a house with a small down payment in a nice neighborhood. It's some interest rate thing...  
  
Peter: But what about the baby? I thought you wanted a baby...And what about Jackson? I can't just leave him alone randomly to take care of all of my stuff!  
  
MJ: I know. But you did just fine without him being here...just try to find him and tell him if you have time... I have it all under control tiger.  
  
Peter: Alright... let's go visit it Saturday.  
  
MJ: You mean tomorrow?  
  
Peter: Tomorrow's Saturday?  
  
MJ: Yeah...  
  
MJ stood up and gave him a kiss. He sighed nervously and held MJ's hand.  
  
MJ: Don't worry baby...  
  
Peter: I'm not worrying... I'm just... well yeah, I'm worried.  
  
MJ: Well you shouldn't be... Trust me...  
  
Peter: I trust you...I'm just scared for no reason at all...I'm gonna go to Starbucks...  
  
MJ: But you just had some coffee...  
  
Peter: I'm just getting some more...  
  
He slipped on his jacket and shoes and walked out to the elevator. He pressed the button, wondering if he should go ahead with MJ's plans for their future. He stepped inside the elevator where his next door neighbor, Roger Palmer, the extreme nerd, was about to go walk his dog.  
  
Peter: Hey Roger.  
  
Roger: Hey Peter...What's going on between you and Mary Jane?  
  
Peter: What do you mean?  
  
Roger: Well you all are screaming your heads off at night and everyone can hear you.  
  
Roger was clearly single. He hadn't had a girlfriend in his entire lifetime. He only had his dogs and cats. Apparently, Roger hadn't exactly gone through sex-ed in high school or done what any other warm blooded guy would eventually do, learn from experience. Peter blushed slightly, not knowing that he and MJ had been that loud when they were in the heat of passion.  
  
Peter: Just...having some fun...See you later Roger.  
  
Peter walked off the elevator, out the door, and down the street to Starbucks. Through the window, he spotted a young man with platinum blonde hair sitting down drinking coffee. He opened up the door and walked towards the man.  
  
Peter: Hi Jackson!  
  
Jackson looked up at him.  
  
Jackson: Hey! What's up?  
  
Peter sat down across from him and sighed.  
  
Peter: Well MJ wants to move to Connecticut and start a family...  
  
Jackson: So? That's great! I can take care of the city, I promise.  
  
Peter: Really? Are you sure? If you can, then that would make me feel a whole lot better...  
  
Jackson: Yeah, I can. I've got nothing to do. But why is starting a family so bad? At least you get to have some fun getting there...  
  
Jackson smiled a perfectly straight and white smile. Peter half- laughed.  
  
Peter: That's not really the problem. It's just that...I don't want to mess up...I don't want my child to get crapped up by some mistake that was my fault.  
  
Jackson: Look, you've been protecting this whole freaking city for a really long time. If you can save a kid from a bus or keep them from jumping off of a bridge or something, then you can raise a good kid.  
  
Peter: Thanks for everything... I feel more secure... I'm gonna get some coffee and go back home...See you later...I'll let you know when we're going to be moving if we do.  
  
Jackson: Cool. Bye!  
  
Peter stood and walked up to the counter. He grabbed some tea and a bag of coffee beans and put them in front of the clearly bored cashier.  
  
Cashier: Would you like anything else...uh...sir?  
  
Peter: Uh, a grande caramel macchiato.  
  
The cashier punched in some numbers.  
  
Cashier: That'll be fourteen dollars even.  
  
Peter handed over the money and walked over to the pick-up line. He really did feel better about the possibility of them having a baby. He was a pretty responsible guy. His order was called up. He grabbed it and walked back home where MJ was sitting on the ground in a tank top and some of Peter's boxers watching TV.  
  
Peter: Hey MJ! I'm back!  
  
MJ looked up.  
  
MJ: Hey Peter! You want to do something?  
  
Peter: Like what? And why are you wearing my boxers?  
  
MJ: Well I was thinking that we could...I don't really know...And I'm wearing your boxers because they make me feel sexy...  
  
She smiled. Peter sat next to her.  
  
Peter: Well you're sexy all the time, didn't you know...  
  
He kissed her on the lips and handed her the Starbucks bag.  
  
MJ: What is it?  
  
Peter: I got some of your favorite tea and some coffee.  
  
MJ: Thanks tiger.  
  
Peter: So... what did you want to do?  
  
MJ: Maybe we could invite Roger over. He seems really lonely.  
  
Peter: Uh...maybe? We don't want a repeat of the coffee dog incident...  
  
They both laughed, remembering the last time that they invited Roger over. He had brought his dog Lola over to their apartment and she got into the kitchen and licked up some spilled coffee grounds. She was so hyper that she lost all bladder control and the whole apartment smelled like dog pee for a week.  
  
MJ: Or we could watch a movie...  
  
Peter: Yeah, that's a good idea...what do you want to watch?  
  
MJ: How about that romance movie that we haven't watched yet...?  
  
Peter: Okay... you want some tea?  
  
MJ: Sure, I'll get the movie ready...  
  
She shuffled to the DVD player as Peter grabbed the pack of tea from the bag that was still on the ground.  
  
After Peter had made tea for the two of them and MJ had the movie set up, they laid out on the couch. MJ rested her head on his chest as the movie started. Peter put his mug down on the side table and put his arms around MJ and placed them on her stomach. She turned to look at him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. They continued to watch to movie... Well, sort of...  
  
In Roger's apartment next door  
  
Roger: Gee Lola! They must be fighting or something! It sounds like they're throwing things!  
  
Lola: Woof! Barky bark woof! (No you idiot! They're fucking the crap out of each other. God, could you be any denser?! Or any dumber?!)  
  
More crashes and cries came from the other apartment followed by a crash and more yells of "Oh Peter!" and "Mmm baby!" But of course, Roger was too much of a weenie to do anything so he went to bed.  
  
AN: Like it? Sorry for the abrupt ending... I couldn't find out how to end it... It'll get better in later chapters because it takes me a while to get used to different shows or movies or comics when I'm writing fan fiction...No flaming on the reviews! 


	2. Damn Cat!

AN: Next chapter!  
  
Peter woke up with MJ lying on top of him and her arms around his neck with her breath warming his chest. He prodded her bare side with his finger. She mumbled and turned back over.  
  
Peter: MJ, wake up... we have to drive to Connecticut today...  
  
MJ: Hmm? Oh yeah. Wait, did we fall asleep here?  
  
She pointed to the couch, noticing that they weren't wearing anything.  
  
Peter: I guess so... I don't remember much... It's the tea...It always does this...Extreme caffeine rush then falling asleep like a log...  
  
MJ stood up and stretched. Peter looked at her still lying down on the couch. MJ looked at him and smiled.  
  
MJ: I'm gonna get dressed... Can you make breakfast without burning the whole building down?  
  
Peter: I'm not so sure... I guess we could get some McDonald's or something on the way.  
  
MJ: That's a good idea...  
  
Peter stood up and walked to the bathroom after giving MJ a quick kiss on the cheek. MJ giggled. Such an act made Peter seem like the nerdy guy next door that he had always been. Peter turned and smiled as he closed the door to the bathroom. MJ sighed. She pulled her blanket over her body and turned on the TV with the remote. While flipping through the channels, she hoped that Peter would like the house and that they'd have enough cash to decorate it the way they wanted to. She clicked to TLC to see if a home decoration show was on, but there wasn't. By then, Peter had come out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his hips. His chocolate brown hair was moist and flopped messily in his face.  
  
Peter: Bathroom's free MJ.  
  
MJ slid out of the blanket slowly and went to the bathroom. Peter went to their bedroom. It was a fairly small room painted cobalt blue with gold flecks. The blankets matched on the bed that took up most of the space. He opened up his drawer to pull out some boxers and socks. After sliding on the green boxers and socks, he went to the closet and picked out a blue button down shirt and khakis. Just as he buttoned the last button on his shirt, MJ walked into the room and put on a pink shirt and a long orange and pink skirt. She quickly flipped her long red hair into a bun.  
  
MJ: Are you ready tiger?  
  
Peter: Yeah...  
  
MJ: We have to be there by 1. I talked to the real estate agent.  
  
Peter: How long with it take to get there again?  
  
MJ: About 2 hours...  
  
They walked out the door and to their used black Jetta. Peter turned on the car and drove towards McDonald's. They got their food and munched happily.  
  
MJ: Hey Pete?  
  
Peter: Yeah?  
  
MJ: What do you want our room to look like?  
  
Peter: I don't know...why?  
  
MJ: Because if we get the house, then I want to decorate...  
  
Peter: Oh...Then I guess whatever you want to do...  
  
MJ: So I can even paint it bright pink?  
  
Peter: Well...maybe not bright pink, but you can paint it any color...as long as it's not black or any shade of pink...  
  
MJ: What do you have against pink?  
  
Peter: It's a girly color...  
  
MJ: So you don't want to seem girly...except for the fact that you've worn spandex...  
  
Peter: Hey, the spandex was sexy!  
  
MJ: Well yeah, but what guy wears spandex normally? I mean by choice? Not if you're a superhero...  
  
Peter: Guys without dicks...  
  
MJ: Uh... what? Then they wouldn't be guys!  
  
Peter: I know! The spandex sort of squeezes it and makes it really hard to go to the bathroom!  
  
MJ: Thanks for telling me tiger! But couldn't you make a flap or something?  
  
Peter: Tried it... horrendously bad accident... you don't want to know...  
  
MJ: What? Why won't you tell me?  
  
Peter: You really and truly don't want to know...  
  
MJ: I'm your wife Peter! Now I mean, your 'thing' has been inside my—  
  
Peter: Okay! Alright! Well at first I had a little flap and I was taking a leak in this alley when these two guys were mugging this girl. So without thinking I just jumped into action...without putting 'it' back inside and then they stared at me for a second and started to crack up. So the girl got away and I caught the guys, but it's scarred me for life...  
  
MJ looked at him and cracked up herself.  
  
Peter: Stop it! It was very traumatic!  
  
MJ: No it's not that... It's just that you're all dramatic about it!  
  
Peter: Well it was a very dramatic thing in my life...but it was...sort of funny in a way...If someone else had seen that I could have seen the headlines..."Spiderman: The next Peewee Herman?"  
  
They both started to crack up until their stomachs hurt and tears were streaming down their faces. They finally pulled together as they got near the exit of the house. Peter switched lanes and exited the interstate. They sat sipping the last of their drinks. They arrived at the house faster than they had expected. As they stepped out of the car, a short woman greeted them. MJ waved.  
  
MJ: Hello Ms. Pittman! We got here earlier than we thought.  
  
Ms. Pittman: Oh well, that's good. Let's get started. Oh wait I'm sorry! I'm Ms. Pittman.  
  
She extended her hand out to Peter.  
  
Peter: I'm Peter Parker. Nice to meet you.  
  
Ms. Pittman: Nice to meet you too! Let's go inside.  
  
MJ and Peter followed Ms. Pittman inside the house. The ceiling was high and there was a sparkling chandelier hanging in the middle illuminating dark wood stairs. Peter smiled as MJ laced her fingers with his.  
  
Ms Pittman: This is the entrance to the house. The wood is in great condition.  
  
Peter noticed MJ's eyes sparkling as they toured the rest of the house. Finally, when Ms. Pittman finished the tour, she stopped talking.  
  
MJ: I love this house! What do you think Peter?  
  
Peter: I love it too!  
  
Ms. Pittman: So are you going to start purchasing the house?  
  
MJ looked at Peter hopefully.  
  
Peter: Why not?  
  
MJ gave Peter a kiss.  
  
Ms. Pittman: Great!  
  
She started to go on about the down payment and other things. After she had given them the papers, they got in the car to go back to Queens. On the way home, they picked up boxes and change of address forms.  
  
MJ was so happy that Peter had agreed to go ahead and get the house. Now if only we could have less to do, then I'd be okay... MJ thought. She pulled her keys out of her purse and unlocked the door. Peter dropped the boxes in the doorway.  
  
Peter: Could you give me a hand with the boxes MJ?  
  
MJ: huh? Oh yeah.  
  
MJ followed him back down the elevator and to their car. She picked up some boxes.  
  
MJ: Hey tiger?! I can't see!  
  
Peter: Then drop some of the boxes!  
  
Peter laughed and pulled a box off of the top of MJ's pile.  
  
MJ: Ah! I can see!  
  
MJ laughed. Her laugh made Peter smile too. It was just that pretty and contagious. They walked inside the elevator where Roger was walking his...cat? MJ and Peter gave each other a strange look. Who the hell walks a cat (AN: Actually, I do...Oh well)?  
  
Roger: Why do you guys have so many boxes?  
  
MJ: We're moving Roger...  
  
Roger: Why?! Then I won't have anyone to talk to!  
  
Peter: Maybe you can make friends with whomever moves in...We can still call you if you want us to.  
  
MJ shot him a look. Peter shrugged as the cat weaved between his ankles getting the leash tangled. He picked up the cat and untangled the leash. The cat meowed and purred.  
  
Roger: Looks like Kitten likes you Peter! You know... I was trying to find a new home for her because she doesn't get along with Lola...I just got her a week ago...Would you like to take her?  
  
MJ smiled, looking at the adorable white cat as they exited the elevator.  
  
MJ: What do you think Peter? Isn't she just the cutest?  
  
MJ gave Peter a puppy eyed look. Peter sighed, succumbing to his need to please everyone. The cat was sort of cute.  
  
Peter: Sure...We can take her if you want us to.  
  
Roger: Great! Come by my place to get her things!  
  
Roger unlocked his door and walked inside. Peter kicked the door open to the apartment and dropped the boxes.  
  
MJ: This is great Peter! I've always wanted a cat!  
  
Peter: I'm just hoping that it won't suck the breath out of me while I'm asleep.  
  
MJ: Where did you get that from? Cats don't do that!  
  
Peter: Aunt May always told me that 'Cats are evil! They come suck the breath out of you while you're asleep! They may be cute, but they're evil as anything!'  
  
MJ laughed as she pushed some boxes aside.  
  
MJ: Cats won't do that Peter. I know it for a fact. Trust me.  
  
Peter: Are you sure? That cat looked like she had something up her...fur...  
  
MJ: I'm sure! Let me get changed really fast.  
  
MJ ran to their room and re-emerged wearing some terry cloth sweat pants and a tee shirt.  
  
MJ: Okay, let's go to Roger's.  
  
Peter sighed and followed MJ to Roger's apartment. She gently knocked on the door. Roger opened it.  
  
Roger: Hello! Come on in!  
  
They went into the apartment. All of a sudden, they were bombarded by birds, dogs, cats, ferrets, and guinea pigs.  
  
Roger: Sorry about this! Down everyone!  
  
The pets all obeyed. Roger picked up a large box and opened it.  
  
Roger: Okay, here's her leash, collar, clothing, food, mousy, toys, catnip, scratching post, litter box, litter, food bowls, water bowls, kitty carrier, kitty carry purse, tick repellant, harness, kitty bed and papers. And last but not least, Kitten!  
  
The small cat walked over wearing little pink booties with a matching rhinestone collar. MJ squealed. Peter stared at the cat, wondering what the hell he was getting into. MJ kneeled down and picked up the cat. The cat purred happily.  
  
MJ: Thank you so much Roger! She's so sweet!  
  
Roger: Any time. Just send me a Christmas card! And don't de-claw her!  
  
Peter: Alright! See you later.  
  
Peter picked up the box and left the room behind MJ. Roger closed the door behind them.  
  
MJ: Oh Peter! Isn't she just so cute?!  
  
Peter: Yeah...  
  
MJ opened up the door to their apartment. Kitten jumped out of her arms and sniffed around the room. Peter pulled out her litter box and some kitty litter and filled it up. Kitten sniffed it and stepped inside.  
  
MJ: Quit staring at her Peter! She needs privacy!  
  
Peter: She's a cat MJ! Cats really don't seem to care about anything!  
  
MJ: Don't be mean Peter!  
  
Peter: I'm not!  
  
Kitten stepped out of the litter box and weaved between MJ's ankles. MJ picked her up and got a kitty toy out of the box. She walked to the middle of the floor, set her down, and played with it. Peter sighed.  
  
MJ: Aww... Come play with us Peter!  
  
Peter: Alright...  
  
Peter walked over to MJ and Kitten. Kitten flopped on her side and batted the toy. Then she bit it and tried to walk away, but it was connected to a string and a stick. Peter laughed. Kitten let go and laid down. She yawned.  
  
MJ: Should we let her go to bed?  
  
Peter: Yeah, I guess... Where should we put the bed?  
  
MJ: I don't know...How about in our room?  
  
Peter: Umm...no...  
  
He picked up the frilly pink bed out of the box and plopped the bed at the living room door near their room.  
  
Peter: There we go...I'm tired...  
  
MJ: So am I...But let me feed her first...  
  
She got a sheet of paper out of the large box and scanned over it.  
  
MJ: Oh... we just feed her in the morning and in the afternoon...  
  
Peter: Okay...I'm going to bed. Goodnight.  
  
He gave her a kiss on the lips.  
  
MJ: Wait...I'm going to bed too...  
  
Peter: Alright...  
  
MJ and Peter walked to their bedroom as Kitten followed them. Peter opened the door and Kitten sprinted and jumped onto the bed.  
  
Peter: How did she get in here?  
  
MJ: She followed us...  
  
Peter picked Kitten up and put her outside the door and closed it.  
  
Peter: Problem solved.  
  
MJ: We should let her be with us... she might get nervous...  
  
Peter: She's fine...  
  
He pulled off his shirt and pants and put on his red plaid pajama pants. He sighed and laid down under the covers. MJ put on her pajamas and laid next to him. She sighed and snuggled up to him. Just as Peter was falling asleep he heard a yowl. His eyes shot wide open as the cat cried and howled for about an hour.  
  
Peter: MJ?  
  
MJ: Hmm? What?  
  
Peter: Can you go shut Kitten up? She's whining outside the door.  
  
MJ: Just ignore her.  
  
MJ fell back asleep instantly. Peter stood up as he cursed under his breath. He opened up the door and the cat jumped on the bed. He was too drowsy to put her back out so he stepped into bed and tried to fall asleep. Kitten sat directly on his neck, purring away. Then she walked on his face, licking him and rubbing her butt on his lips. Peter pushed her off and Kitten walked down to his 'area' and plopped down. She didn't look that heavy, but boy, she was.  
  
Peter: OW!  
  
MJ stirred.  
  
MJ: What is it Peter? It's 5 am...  
  
Peter: The cat...sat on...my nuts...oh...my...GOD!  
  
MJ laughed like a drunk and fell back asleep within two seconds. Peter sobbed in pain as Kitten walked up to his forehead and sat down, sticking her tail up his nostrils.  
  
Peter: Damn you...Devil cat...  
  
Peter swatted for Kitten to get off of him. Kitten thought his hand was a toy and batted at it with her booted paw. Peter moaned and got up making Kitten tumble down the blankets. She meowed in protest. Peter walked into the kitchen and started to make coffee. He sat at the table and put his head down.  
  
Peter's thoughts: Why the hell did we get a cat?! Why?! And I'm going to be stuck with it for at least 10 years! MJ won't want to give it away...Maybe if I kill it...But then MJ would want to get another cat...Might as well stick with Kitten...At least she's sort of obedient.  
  
The coffee maker beeped. Peter stood up and poured a cup with extra sugar. As he sat back down, he passed out asleep, snoring like a hobo with a sinus infection.  
  
AN: Like it? If you don't, don't tell me. In the next chapters: Kitten vs. Peter, Peter battles with caffeine, MJ vs. Pickles? Stay tuned! Love ya! 


	3. Baby?

AN: Next chapter! It's going to be short...just letting you know.  
  
Two weeks later...  
  
Peter hadn't gotten any sleep ever since they had gotten Kitten. That cat was ruining his life. He depended on coffee to keep him partially awake. Even his students noticed that he was on the verge of passing out during classes. But they just assumed that he was tired from moving boxes. Peter had told them that he was moving away.  
  
It was a Sunday afternoon and Peter and MJ were talking about what they needed to do.  
  
MJ: I've found a doctor, vet, plumber, and pet store there...And I found a talent agency that I can work at until I find a place to rent.  
  
Peter: Is there a Starbucks?  
  
MJ: Yeah...There are two...  
  
Peter's head fell to the table as he fell asleep, drooling. MJ sighed as Kitten jumped up into his lap purring away. Peter woke up instantly.  
  
Peter: Stupid cat...  
  
MJ: Tiger, I think that we should get Kitten a friend...  
  
Peter: Why? One cat is enough!  
  
MJ: Just look at you! You're like dying! She needs some other cat to play with!  
  
Peter: So that would keep her away from me, right?  
  
MJ: Yeah...  
  
Peter: Alright...  
  
MJ wrote something down on her notepad.  
  
MJ: Could you pass me the Pepto-Bismol? I'm not feeling too good.  
  
Peter tilted his chair back and grabbed the tablets off of the counter.  
  
Peter: What's wrong?  
  
MJ: I feel like I'm getting the flu...But I'll be okay...So we're going to start moving Tuesday...  
  
Peter: Alright... Oh... The doctor called...I think...He said that you had an appointment on Monday...  
  
MJ: Okay...I'm gonna go take a nap...  
  
Peter: I'll try taking one too...  
  
Peter stood up and shuffled over to Kitten's bed. He picked up the bed and picked up Kitten and put the in the bathroom. He shut the door. Kitten yowled as Peter walked into the bedroom and fell asleep the second his head hit the pillow. 20 minutes later, Peter heard meows outside the door.  
  
Peter: How did the cat get out?!  
  
MJ: Hmm? Will you stop obsessing with the cat?  
  
MJ groaned as she stood up.  
  
Peter: What's wrong?  
  
MJ: Feel sick...  
  
MJ ran out of the room, letting Kitten in. Peter heard her throwing up. He sighed and stumbled to the bathroom. He swung open the door with the remaining strength he had. He walked over to her and held back her long red hair. She stopped and panted. Peter slowly sat down on the bathtub and fell asleep.  
  
MJ: PETER!  
  
Peter woke up looking around.  
  
Peter: What?!  
  
MJ: You fell asleep again...Let me go get you some earplugs from the drugstore...  
  
Peter: Uh... Don't forget the spider hearing...they have to be extra heavy duty...And can you take Kitten with you in her little purse?  
  
MJ: Sure, I'll take my time.  
  
MJ gave him a peck on the forehead and walked out of the room. Peter stood and wobbled into the bedroom, falling on the bed and falling asleep. For what seemed like an hour and a half of pure bliss, Peter slept like a baby. But then to his despair, he heard at cat cry out and groaned. MJ opened up the door and walked in with her shoes flip-flopping across the hall. She opened up the door as light spilled in.  
  
Peter: Ah! It burns!  
  
MJ: Did you sleep well?  
  
Peter: Like a rock...  
  
MJ: That's good...Well I got you some earplugs.  
  
She handed him a box of orange earplugs and sat next to him on the bed.  
  
Peter: Thanks...  
  
He pulled her close to him and gave her a kiss.  
  
MJ: And I got a pregnancy test...  
  
Peter: Why? Aren't you going to the doctor tomorrow?  
  
MJ: Well yeah, I just want to see if I am before so it won't be totally unexpected...I was looking some stuff up on the internet and it sounds like I might be...  
  
Peter: That's great...  
  
MJ: Yeah...I'm going to go test it...  
  
MJ got up and went to the bathroom. Peter sighed and hoped that she was. He'd thought about it ever since his talk with Jackson at Starbucks and took to his words and advice. I mean if I can take care of Manhattan, I can take care of a baby...he thought.  
  
MJ sat down on the toilet and opened up the test. She followed the instructions and waited for two minutes for the results to pop up. She looked at it as a small pink plus sign appeared. She took a quick look at the directions and smiled. She stood up and ran to their bedroom where Peter was reading a book.  
  
MJ: Peter! It's positive!  
  
Peter jumped up and picked MJ up, swirling around.  
  
Peter: That's great! But is it for sure?  
  
MJ: I'm not positively sure. ...but I guess at the doctor's I can find out!  
  
Peter danced around with MJ in his arms for a while. Eventually, he put her down and flopped on the bed.  
  
MJ: I can't believe it!  
  
Peter: Neither can I...I never imagined being the father to Mary Jane Watson's baby...I thought you would still be with Flash.  
  
MJ: Yeah...me too actually...until I got to know you better...and then I realized that Flash was a stupid jerk.  
  
Peter yawned.  
  
Peter: Let me go feed Kitten...  
  
MJ: oh! I forgot to tell you! I got Kitten a pen that she can stay in at night so she won't come in and bother you.  
  
Peter: Oh...is it set up?  
  
MJ: Yeah...It's in the living room.  
  
Peter stood up and walked into the living room. He pulled the small bag of cat food out of her box and filled it up. Then he got a big bottle of tap water and filled up Kitten's water. She meowed and weaved between Peter's ankles. Peter reached for the large metal structure and put it over Kitten, her water and food, and her litter box. He tossed in her bed and walked back into his room. He pulled off his shirt and left his boxers on. He climbed into bed after putting in his earplugs and finally got a full night's sleep.  
  
AN: Hoped you liked this chapter! This may or may not be the last chapter for two weeks...It depends on how I'm doing with my other stories so...yeah... 


	4. Moving day

AN: Next chapter!  
  
Peter had slept for hours on end. As he woke, he noticed MJ was gone and a note was left in her place. The note read, "Hey tiger, I just went to the doctor's office. I'll be back by one! I love you! MJ". He sighed and rolled out of the bed, noticing the clock said 12:55.  
  
Peter: Hm...I guess I slept longer than I thought...  
  
He walked into the kitchen and grabbed a frozen dinner from the fridge. He opened the box and stabbed some holes in the right spots. As he threw the dinner in the microwave, the door opened.  
  
Peter: Hi MJ!  
  
MJ: Hey Peter!! Guess what?  
  
Peter: What?  
  
MJ: The doctor gave me another test and it was positive too!  
  
They danced around happily and kissed. They stopped after a few minutes as Peter put his hands around MJ's waist.  
  
Peter: That's great! But won't you have to go to the other doctor for check ups and things?  
  
MJ: Well, yeah. But the doctor there is good also. What's in the microwave? Don't forget that we have to put it in the box after we're done.  
  
Peter: Uh...I think...pasta...or something close to it.  
  
MJ: Oh...I'm going to go change...  
  
MJ walked to the room and changed her clothes while Peter sat down at the table. MJ came back quickly.  
  
MJ: Oh yeah, and I got some pamphlets that we need to look over together in my bag.  
  
She walked across the room and to the door where she had left her purse. She pulled out about a pound of papers and walked back to the table.  
  
Peter: It's going to take us all night to go through these!  
  
MJ: No it won't. Let's get started...Well...I can't clean out the litter box...  
  
Peter: What?! You mean that I have to clean out the stinky cat box for NINE MONTHS?!  
  
MJ: Yes tiger, while my back aches and while I throw up.  
  
Peter sighed as the microwave beeped. He stood up and pulled out the hot pasta and poured the sauce over it.  
  
MJ: You know what? I'm not really that hungry...I'm going to go take a nap...On second thought...I'm going—  
  
MJ sprinted to the bathroom with her hands over her mouth. Peter groaned as he thought about how this was how life was going to be for the next few months.  
  
For the rest of the day, MJ slept, threw up, and watched TV while Peter tried to sleep, held back her hair, and sort of watched TV. At the end of the day, they both slept well...except for the one time that MJ threw up. But they were well rested by morning.  
  
When they woke up, they heard a knock on their door. Peter stood and shuffled over drowsily. He threw open the door.  
  
Man: Hello sir! Your U-haul van is here.  
  
Peter: Oh wow... uh...we're not that ready yet...I'm sorry...Do you think that you could start moving the boxes into the van?  
  
Man: Of course. Take your time.  
  
The man called some of his workers up the stairs and they started to pick up the large boxes.  
  
Peter: Thanks!  
  
Peter ran to his room and woke up MJ.  
  
Peter: MJ, wake up honey...the movers are here...  
  
MJ: What?! Oh sorry...bad dream...that skipper guy from 'Gilligan's Island' was chasing me trying to stab me with a pickle...  
  
Peter gave her an odd look before bursting into laughter.  
  
MJ: Stop it! It's very traumatic!  
  
Peter: I'm sorry...it's just sort of strange...  
  
MJ: Yeah...it is...  
  
She stood up and yawned. In mid-yawn, she gagged and dove between stray boxes to the bathroom. Peter sighed and jumped over the boxes to help her. He kneeled behind her and held back her hair while rubbing her back. A man picked up a box in front of the bathroom door.  
  
Man: Are you alright?  
  
MJ was still vomiting.  
  
Peter: She's fine...just a little morning sickness...  
  
Man: Oh...  
  
The man carried the box away and to the truck. MJ stopped and stood up.  
  
MJ: Where's Kitten?  
  
Peter: She's in her little pen. Come on, we have to get dressed...  
  
Peter ran back to the room and slipped on his clothes that he had put out the night before: a baby blue tee shirt and jeans. MJ slid into the room and put on her clothes and grabbed her purse from the side table that they hadn't taken yet.  
  
MJ: Okay, I'm ready.  
  
Peter: Me too...Should we help the workers?  
  
MJ: Uh...you can...I can't really lift anything.  
  
Peter: Oh yeah...I guess you can get Kitten together...  
  
MJ: Okay, I'll meet you downstairs.  
  
MJ walked over to the kitchen and pulled Kitten out of the tall pen. She tucked her into the hard cat carrier. She meowed in protest. MJ carried her down the stairs and to the U-haul. Peter tossed a box labeled 'clothing' into the back of the truck.  
  
MJ: Kitten's stuff is all together Pete!  
  
Peter: Cool...Uh...the only things that need to go in the truck are our blankets and our bed...  
  
Just then two men came down the stairs holding the bed followed by a few more men holding the mattress and a box of blankets.  
  
Man: Okay sir. We're done. You can go ahead and get going on your road trip. Send the bill to U-haul of Queens.  
  
He handed Peter a sheet of paper and walked to another truck where all of the movers were.  
  
Peter: Are you ready to go MJ?  
  
MJ: Yep! I've got Kitten in her carrier, the address to the house, and my purse.  
  
Peter climbed into the massive truck's driver seat. MJ sat in the passenger seat with Kitten in her carrier on her lap. He started up the van as they drove to their new house.  
  
The drive was pretty calm, except for Kitten's yowls and cries. As soon as they drove up into the driveway, MJ squealed.  
  
MJ: I can't believe that this is our new house!  
  
The people who lived in the house on either side of them came out to greet them. MJ stepped out of the truck and was greeted by a young couple much like them and a small child. The woman evidently was pregnant. Her huge belly poked out like a watermelon. As Peter got out of the truck, he was greeted by a middle aged couple with a teenager who looked about 17 and a spastic child.  
  
MJ: Hi, I'm Mary Jane Parker...you can call me MJ.  
  
Tara Quinn (Woman): I'm Tara, nice to meet you! This is Greg, my husband and my daughter Felicity. And this is Baby Brad.  
  
She pointed to her stomach.  
  
MJ: Nice to meet you all...We're expecting a baby too.  
  
Tara: Really? When did you find out?  
  
MJ: Just yesterday.  
  
Tara: Congratulations! Would you like to come to our house tonight to meet the neighbors?  
  
MJ: Sure! That would be great! Well I have to get these boxes in the house. See you tonight!  
  
MJ walked around to the other side of the truck.  
  
Peter: Hey MJ, meet the Madisons.  
  
MJ: Hi, nice to meet you.  
  
Paul: Hi, I'm Paul and this is my wife, Lois, my daughter Megan and my son Joseph.  
  
Megan: Do you happen to have a teenage son?  
  
Peter: Uh...no, sorry! We just got married 2 years ago...If we did, then I would have had him when I was about 7.  
  
Megan: I knew I'd never get a boyfriend!  
  
She ran away crying into her house.  
  
Peter: I'm sorry! I didn't mean to make her cry!  
  
Lois: Oh, she cries about everything, with her raging hormones.  
  
Joseph poked Peter's abs.  
  
Joseph: Look mommy! It hurts my finger when I poke his belly! Poke! Poke! Poke!  
  
Paul: Stop it Joseph...did you take you medicine this morning?  
  
Joseph: Wee! Where do babies come from mommy?! Look they have a kitty!  
  
Joseph sprinted around the house quickly. Paul pulled out a gun from his pocket and shot the boy.  
  
Peter: Oh my god!  
  
MJ: Is he dead?!  
  
Paul: Oh, don't worry. It's just a tranquilizer gun.  
  
Joseph fell down to the ground in slow motion and laid on his side like he was dead.  
  
MJ: Well, we have to get these boxes opened and together...So I guess we'll see you at the Quinn's house tonight, right?  
  
Lois: Yes...do you need any help?  
  
Peter: No, some people are coming to help us in a little bit.  
  
Lois: Okay, we'll see you all later!  
  
MJ: Bye!  
  
Everyone went back to their houses. Just then, a truck of people pulled up behind them with their car in tow. The people helped them put all of the boxes inside the house and set up their bed in the largest room.  
  
Peter: What room should be the baby's room?  
  
MJ: I don't know...I mean, we don't know how many we're having?  
  
Peter: What do you mean?  
  
MJ: I mean, I could have triplets or twins...girls in my family almost always have more than one baby at a time...well except for me...I'm special...  
  
Peter: Oh...well then how about...this room...  
  
They walked to a different room. It was large with many windows and a closet.  
  
MJ: I like it... we just have to paint it...  
  
Peter: What color?  
  
MJ: I don't know...oh, it's almost 6. Let's go over to the Quinns. But first...I have to find a better outfit...  
  
MJ found her way thru the mountains of boxes to find her clothing. She picked out a bright blue and white puma sweat suit and her flip flops.  
  
Peter: Why are you all dressed up?  
  
MJ: I'm not...Well I mean, this is a new outfit, but it's not dressy. Where's Kitten?  
  
Peter: Oh, she's downstairs. Why?  
  
MJ: I don't know, it seems like she's so far away from everything and everywhere we are...Let's get over there...  
  
The couple walked out of their new house and to the Quinns next door.  
  
Tara: Hello there! Come on in, everyone's in the living room.  
  
They followed Tara into the large living room where everyone was waiting, sipping coffee. They sat on a small red couch. Peter put his arm around MJ's shoulders as he accepted a cup of coffee. The Madisons were on the couch, minus their kids, next to theirs. Felicity, the Quinn's daughter was talking to her dad.  
  
Tara: Felicity, will you go upstairs and read in your room?  
  
Felicity: Yes mommy.  
  
Felicity ran up the stairs.  
  
MJ: She's so adorable!  
  
Tara: Isn't she? She's already reading at a fourth grade level and she's only 5! So MJ, why did you both want to move here?  
  
MJ: Well, we wanted to start a family and our little apartment couldn't hold more than us and our cat.  
  
Lois: Oh you have a kitty too? We have a cat and he loves to meet with other cats to play.  
  
MJ: Really? Because we were thinking of getting Kitten a friend.  
  
Lois: That's great...maybe sometime next Saturday they can meet up.  
  
MJ: Okay.  
  
Paul leaned over to Peter and whispered.  
  
Paul: Did your wife want the cat?  
  
Peter: Yeah...sometimes it's okay, but god, it's annoying the rest of the time...  
  
Paul: I know how you feel...She gave me the puppy eyed look and I melted to pieces. That was the worst mistake in my life...  
  
Peter: I hate that cat...  
  
Greg: So MJ, Tara told me that you and Peter are going to have a baby.  
  
MJ: Yeah, we just found out yesterday. I'm sort of nervous. Does it hurt a lot like people say?  
  
Tara: Oh my god yes! It's like pulling your bottom lip all the way over your head to the back of your neck!  
  
Lois: It feels like your crapping a watermelon out of your...you know...  
  
MJ: gee, that's good to know...  
  
Tara: But what really helps is if you...  
  
Greg: Uh, okay...honey, we're going to the kitchen for something to drink...  
  
Greg and Paul stood up.  
  
Paul: Do you want to come Peter?  
  
Peter: Sure, I'll let you all talk about...whatever you want to talk about...  
  
Peter stood and followed Greg and Paul to the kitchen.  
  
Paul: Whew, I'm glad we got out of there before they started talking about how much they throw up when they're pregnant.  
  
Peter: Yeah, MJ does a lot of that already...  
  
Greg: Oh...that stinks...do you want a beer or anything?  
  
Peter: I'm not much of a drinker...  
  
Paul: I'll take one...  
  
Greg reached into the fridge and tossed him a can.  
  
Greg: Yeah...it really sucks when your wife is pregnant...they're always barfing...and eating...and crying...and whining about how their bras don't fit anymore...  
  
Peter: Why wouldn't their bras fit?  
  
Peter looked really confused.  
  
Paul: I don't know why...they just yell about it and eat ice cream...and it always seems like 'Three's Company' is on whenever they're barfing...It's strange...  
  
Peter: God, I hate the 'Three's Company' theme and knock on our door...We'll be waiting for you...dang it, now it's stuck in my head...  
  
Greg: Yeah...it's like a curse.  
  
MJ walked into the kitchen.  
  
MJ: Hey Peter, I'm getting sort of tired...from us moving and all...so do you want to go home?  
  
Peter: Uh, sure...See you guys later...  
  
Greg: Oh wait! Hey Peter, do you want to go work out with us sometime at the gym?  
  
Peter: Uh...sure...why not?  
  
Greg: Cool...Bye!  
  
MJ: Bye!  
  
They walked to the front door and left. Peter took the keys from his pockets and unlocked the door.  
  
MJ: Oh shit, I forgot where our room is...  
  
Peter: It's upstairs...  
  
MJ followed Peter upstairs and to their room. MJ opened a box labeled "MJ's clothes" and pulled out a pair of pink flannel PJ pants and a white shirt. She put them on and fell asleep quickly. Peter put on his pajamas and put in his earplugs and also fell fast asleep happily.  
  
AN: Okay, sorry if it seemed rushed, but I have to cram as much stuff into one chapter as I can to keep you guys satisfied for two weeks. If I get more reviews, I can force the next chapter in before I leave for vacation on...uh...sometime this weekend. But I'm going ahead to MJ's 6th month so they can find out what the baby or babies (Muah ha!) is or are going to be. Be a doll and review! Love ya!  
  
"I don't take coupons from giant chickens...not after the last time..." 


	5. A visit to the doctor and a tranquilizer...

AN: Thanks for the beautiful reviews! This is MJ's 6th month being pregnant...And I'm just lazy. This is the last chapter before I leave on vacation so...sorry...  
  
MJ was fiercely digging through her drawers trying to get dress for her doctor's appointment. She had gained a lot of weight and her stomach poked out. Peter walked into the room, noticing his wife still didn't have a shirt on.  
  
Peter: Hurry up MJ, we're going to be late for your appointment!  
  
MJ burst into tears. Peter sighed gently; yet another break down.  
  
MJ: None of my bras will fit!  
  
Peter wrapped her in a hug and gave her a kiss on the top of her head. He dug deep inside of the drawer and pulled out a special one that they had bought at the store.  
  
Peter: Try the special one...  
  
MJ slipped it on and it fit. She pulled a long pink shirt over her head and grabbed her purse.  
  
MJ: Did you clean the litter box yesterday?  
  
Peter: Yes, now let's go...  
  
They ran down the stairs of their house and to their car. Peter drove off to their doctor, who was only 10 minutes away. They checked in and sat in the waiting room until a nurse called MJ back. The nurse instructed her to lie down on a table and that the doctor would be right there. The nurse left the cold room.  
  
MJ: What do you think the baby is going to be?  
  
Peter: I don't know...I sort of want a boy...  
  
MJ: Why?  
  
Peter: I don't know...But it would be nice if we had a girl too...If it was a girl, what would you want to name it?  
  
MJ: I'd name it Daveigh...I've always liked that name...  
  
Peter: Yeah, that's a pretty name...  
  
The doctor opened up the door.  
  
Dr. Todd: Hello MJ, Peter.  
  
MJ/Peter: Hi.  
  
Dr. Todd: How have you been doing MJ?  
  
MJ: Fine, it's just that my back is starting to hurt and I have to pee all the time...  
  
Dr. Todd: That's normal...  
  
He sat on a stool and wheeled around to MJ's side.  
  
Dr. Todd: Could you pull up your shirt? Sorry if the jelly's cold.  
  
He opened a tube of a jelly substance and rubbed it on MJ's round middle. She shivered.  
  
Dr. Todd: Let's see what's going on in there...  
  
He rubbed a small instrument all over.  
  
Dr. Todd: Wow...you're having triplets...  
  
MJ's eyes popped wide open. Having to go through crapping out a watermelon THREE times in a row didn't sound as rewarding as every mother made it sound. Peter rubbed her hand.  
  
Peter: What are they going to be?  
  
Dr. Todd paused for a minute.  
  
Dr. Todd: Two girls...and one boy...  
  
MJ: Wow...are they healthy?  
  
Dr. Todd: They look like they are...and they're sort of big...which could be good...  
  
He turned off the machine and gave MJ a towel to wipe the jelly off her stomach. Dr. Todd handed her a file.  
  
Dr. Todd: See you in October...Don't hesitate to call me if you have questions.  
  
MJ: Thanks doctor!  
  
They walked out of the door and took the file to the desk. The receptionist gave them a bill and they left.  
  
MJ: Tiger, I want to pick up a baby name book...  
  
Peter: Okay...uh...where would we get one of those?  
  
MJ: Well there is that website...  
  
Peter: Okay...  
  
They quickly arrived at home. Peter turned on their computer and waited for it to fully turn on. MJ pulled up a chair next to him with a note pad on her lap and a pen in her hand. She had separated the pad into four sections: Girl first names, girl middle names, boy first names and boy middle names.  
  
Peter: Why are there separate sections for middle names?  
  
MJ: I don't know...  
  
The computer turned on fully and Peter opened Internet Explorer. MJ told him the site and he typed it in quickly.  
  
MJ: Go to the girls section first...Ow...  
  
Peter: Are you okay?!  
  
MJ: I'm fine Peter, just a small kick.  
  
She neatly wrote down "Daveigh" in the girl's first name spot.  
  
Peter looked around.  
  
Peter: I like May...Aunt May would have liked to have a grandniece named after her...  
  
Aunt May had died 3 months after they had gotten married. MJ wrote "May" in the first name spot.  
  
MJ: What should their middle names be? Or do you still want to look for first names?  
  
Peter: I like Daveigh and May...They rhyme!  
  
He chuckled.  
  
MJ: But what about a boy's name?  
  
Peter: How about Ben?  
  
MJ: Yeah, that's nice...and it's after Uncle Ben...So that's the boy's name?  
  
Peter: Sure...  
  
Peter clicked around the girl's section.  
  
Peter: What about Nicole for a middle name?  
  
MJ: I like it...May Nicole? No...Daveigh Nicole sounds better...  
  
She wrote it down.  
  
Peter: That's nice...but would we call her Daveigh Nicole all the time?  
  
MJ: No...Just Daveigh...What about May's middle name?  
  
Peter: I don't know...  
  
He clicked around some more.  
  
Peter: What about Lauren?  
  
MJ: For what? A middle name or a first?  
  
Peter: A first and then May could be her middle name...  
  
MJ: Okay...now we just have to find a middle name for the boy...  
  
Peter switched to the boy section and searched.  
  
Peter: How about Andrew?  
  
MJ: That's okay...  
  
Peter: Or Jason?  
  
MJ: I like Jason...  
  
Peter: Okay, so we have Daveigh Nicole, Lauren May, and Benjamin Jason...  
  
MJ: Great! So there we go...I'm so excited! Except for the pain...  
  
Peter: I'll be right there by your side...  
  
MJ: I know...but Tara said that it's better to have the baby without the drugs...and she said that it's much more rewarding...  
  
Peter: If you haven't noticed MJ, Tara isn't exactly the sanest person ever...  
  
All of a sudden a crash was heard outside. They looked out the window and saw Joseph streaking across their lawn butt naked screaming like Tarzan. Lois ran after him and shot him with the tranquilizer gun. He fell to the ground instantly.  
  
MJ: God, I hope our kids don't turn out like that...  
  
Peter: Yeah...That would really be bad. He fell faster this time...he usually just withers to the ground...I guess they got stronger tranquilizers...  
  
MJ: But I'm going to have the baby without drugs (AN: My mom had me and my brother without any numbing things...but then again, my mom has a freakishly high threshold of pain...)  
  
Peter: Okay...if you want to...  
  
Peter left it at that. MJ was too set on this to be swayed the other way. He sighed and tilted his chair back as Lois carried Joseph back into her house.  
  
AN: Okay people! That's the last chapter for 2 weeks! But if you give me tons of good reviews, I might just force out the next one today... Now be a doll and review! Kisses! 


	6. FUCK NATURE!

AN: I decided to go ahead and start this new chapter before I leave... so you guys are lucky! Heh! This is MJ's 9th month...I'm so lazy...but oh well...Oh my god! I got this book called Mary Jane and it's about Mary Jane in high school with Peter and Harry! I can't wait to start it!  
  
MJ's belly had grown large. She couldn't see her feet, but somehow, they ached along with her back and bladder. Peter couldn't wait until MJ had the babies. He was sick of cleaning out the nasty litter box and having to cook.  
  
The young couple was sitting on the couch watching TV for a rare moment of peace in their bedroom. MJ was lying down next to Peter while he put his hand on her stomach, feeling the baby move around. Kitten laid at the foot of the bed purring away. MJ winced slightly. She'd been having small contractions all day, but then again, she had been having them ever since the week before. Peter reached for her hand.  
  
MJ: Damn it! Three's Company is on!  
  
She muted it before the theme song came on .  
  
MJ: Ah!  
  
She clutched her stomach and gasped in pain.  
  
Peter: Ack! It's happening! Where's the timer?!  
  
He shot some web out and grabbed the timer off of the top of the TV. He clicked it on. MJ panted as her stomach relaxed. Ten minutes later, she tensed up again. The intervals got shorter and shorter until they were 7 minutes apart. Peter called the doctor.  
  
Peter: Dr. Todd?! This is Peter Parker. MJ's contractions are 7 minutes apart. Should we get to the hospital?  
  
Dr. Todd: Yes, I'll be there soon.  
  
They hung up. Peter grabbed MJ's packed bag from their closet and got her jacket. They walked out the door to the car and drove quickly to the hospital. When they got there, a nurse wheeled MJ back to a room and put her in a hospital gown and a large bed with two odd platforms that looked like the could slide around. The nurse covered her with a blanket and waited until she had a contraction to start the timer. Peter grabbed her hand.  
  
MJ: OW! AH! AHG! SHIT!  
  
She squeezed his hand tightly. Peter winced. She was crushing it to pieces. The contraction stopped. The nurse asked MJ to put her feet up on the platforms. The nurse went under the blanket and fiddled around (AN: I know it sounds really wrong, but it was quite needed) with something. She came back up and left the room.  
  
MJ: Peter, I'm really scared.  
  
Peter: Don't worry, you'll be fine. I'm right here. And I have the stress ball.  
  
He pulled a small yellow ball from her bag. It had a goofy happy face on it. MJ took it in her hands and gently squished it between them.  
  
MJ: Are you going to pass out?  
  
Peter: I don't know, it depends on what I'm looking at.  
  
MJ: Well lots of fathers pass out...But are you too manly to?  
  
Peter: I'm really not sure!  
  
They both sighed as Dr. Todd came in.  
  
Dr. Todd: Hi MJ! How are you?  
  
MJ: Fine now, but when there's a contraction, I'll be screaming.  
  
Dr. Todd: Yeah, I heard that down the hall. Let me check to see how you're doing...  
  
He kneeled under the blanket and came back up.  
  
Dr. Todd: It's going to be a while...You can sit for a while and do something until I come to check on you. I have a buzzer if you need a nurse. Paula is here if you need her.  
  
He gestured towards a woman in scrubs and white sneakers. He left the room slowly.  
  
MJ: God my back hurts...  
  
Peter: Do you want a massage?  
  
MJ: That would be nice...  
  
MJ turned and Peter gently massaged her back.  
  
MJ: Ah...that's better.  
  
They sat in silence. Peter handed MJ her bag as she read and wrote stuff down. It went on for 9 hours, mixed with contractions.  
  
MJ: God, at first I thought this wasn't going to take—Ah!  
  
She grabbed for Peter's hand. Paula the nurse rushed over and clicked on the timer. Peter whimpered at his hand being massacred. Paula pressed a button on the wall. Dr. Todd came rushing in. Peter noticed the alarm in MJ's face. Her stomach stopped tensing up, but for only thirty seconds.  
  
Dr. Todd: Get ready to push okay?  
  
He sat on a stool and removed the blanket, replacing it with some sort of medical tissue. MJ screamed.  
  
Dr. Todd: Please stop screaming...you need your energy in your abdomen...  
  
MJ: What the fuck do you mean stop screaming?! I'm having three damn babies! How would you like it if you had to shit out a watermelon from your dick?! Answer me bitch!  
  
Peter: Calm down MJ...He's not going to kill you...  
  
Peter had to admit that he wasn't exactly calm either. MJ seemed like if she wasn't in so much pain, she'd jump up and stab Dr. Todd.  
  
Dr. Todd: Just push...  
  
MJ squeezed Peter's hand tightly and pushed hard. After huffing and puffing for 10 minutes, their first baby came out.  
  
Dr. Todd: It's a girl!  
  
MJ panted and tensed up again. She pushed again, screaming curse words like a person on the old "Jerry Springer". The next baby's head poked out.  
  
Dr. Todd: This is truly the miracle of life Peter! Would you like a look?  
  
Peter: Sure...  
  
He traded his hand that MJ was holding for the goofy stress ball. He quickly walked to the area where Dr. Todd was sitting. Dr. Todd lifted the sheet. Peter took one look and passed out cold on the floor. An extra nurse pulled him out of the way and dumped some cold water on his face. He woke up to see his second child being born.  
  
Dr. Todd: This one's a boy...  
  
All of a sudden, the baby peed on Dr. Todd's chest as he passed their boy to a nurse.  
  
Dr. Todd: Last one... Keep pushing...  
  
MJ: Ahg! FUCK NATURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Peter: It's okay MJ! Just...just...  
  
Peter passed out on the floor again. A nurse slapped him hard in the face. He woke up and slowly returned to MJ's side. He held her hand tightly as he wiped the sweat off of her forehead with a towel with his other hand. MJ grunted like a pig and gasped. The baby was now in Dr. Todd's arms. Peter gave MJ a big kiss on the forehead.  
  
Peter: Great job MJ! I love you!  
  
MJ: I love you too Peter...  
  
They watched as the nurses put small baby bracelets on their children. MJ slowly closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep. However, her sleep wasn't long lasting, as the nurses handed them their kids. The two girls had pink blankets and the boy had a blue one.  
  
MJ: Which girl should be Daveigh Nicole?  
  
Peter picked up the biggest baby girl.  
  
Peter: She should...  
  
MJ: So this little gal in my arms is Lauren May...and here's Ben...  
  
Nurse: Excuse me ma'am, but we have to check your babies out in the nursery. Have you chosen names for them?  
  
MJ: Uh, yes.  
  
MJ told the nurse the babies' names as she wrote them down on some sheet of paper. The nurse took the babies with her as another nurse unfolded a wheelchair for MJ to sit in as she wheeled her to the viewing window. Peter followed them as they watched a nurse place the triplets in separate beds labeled "Parker".  
  
MJ: They're beautiful...  
  
Each child had flaming red hair and blue eyes, but the largest girl, Daveigh, had a small birthmark shaped like a heart on her cheek and the boy, Ben, had a pale birthmark across where his hairline should be. Lauren smiled a toothless grin as the nurse tucked her in.  
  
Peter: They are...just like you...  
  
He gave her a kiss on the top of her head. MJ wondered what was going to happen in the months and years to come. Would be annoying at two? Would they hate her when they turned fourteen? She sighed, putting on a smile, hoping that it would all be worth it.  
  
AN: Ha! Ha! I got another chapter in! But I really need to go so be a good person and give me a good review! Bye! 


	7. SHIT!

AN: Sorry!!!!!!!!!! It's been a while! I've...yeah...I've just been a total slacker.

Two weeks later....

MJ and Peter hadn't slept ever since they brought their new triplets home. It was mid-day and there was a sliver of silence. MJ sighed.

"Peter, remind me why we decided to have kids..." She looked at her stomach and groaned. She'd gained a lot of weight ever since she had the kids and she didn't have the chance to work it off. She looked over at Peter. He was dead asleep. She stood up and looked at her children. They looked so beautiful when they were sleeping. Suddenly, Lauren's face squished up. She burst into tears. MJ also felt like crying too. Peter woke instantly. MJ walked over to her child and picked her up. She quickly checked her diaper. It wasn't full. Peter stood up and stepped up to the other cribs. Thankfully, Ben and Daveigh were still sleeping somehow. MJ turned away from Peter to feed Lauren. Peter sighed, thankful that the "chain cry" didn't happen. Usually when one started to cry, the others joined in.

Peter heard a meow from the hall. Kitten was throwing up on the floor.

"Ugh, Tiger, could you clean that up? I'm feeding Laurie..." Ben and Daveigh started to cry. MJ sighed and picked up Ben. She quieted him by putting him to her chest. Daveigh sat and cried. Peter gave Daveigh a pacifier before shooting out the door. He leaped down the stairs and got a paper towel and web-slung back up the stairs. His powers proved to be useful around the house. He cleaned up the vomit and tossed the towel in the trashcan.

"Maybe we should find a chance to take Kitten to the vet. She's been acting strange lately." Peter picked up Daveigh and gently rocked her.

"She already has an appointment for tomorrow..." The triplets stopped crying at last. MJ gently put Ben and Lauren back into their cribs. "But you're going to have to take her; the triplets have a check up that day too." Peter put Daveigh back in her crib and covered her with her blanket. The new parents both sighed in unison and sat on the small couch in the room. Before they knew it they were asleep. To their dismay, they woke up too soon due to the sounds of crying and the scent of poop. Peter got up and checked who it was. Ben was the only one crying. He quickly quieted him by giving him his pacifier and took him to the changing table. In his tired state, he forgot about how he had to change Ben's diaper. He left Ben open to the world while getting a fresh diaper. When he came back up, he got a face full of pee.

"Ack!" Peter quickly stopped the stream by putting a diaper over Ben. MJ was laughing. "What?! What's so funny?!"

"It's just that usually I'm the one to get peed on and it's not that funny...but when you do...it's hilarious!" MJ doubled over into laughter again. Peter smirked and continued changing his diaper...without the mess...

The next day...

Peter was putting on Kitten's harness and getting her ready for her visit to the vet as MJ got the triplets ready for a checkup. They had gotten a used mini-van since they had the triplets and the couple hated it. It drove well, but there were old bumper stickers on the back such as one that said "I love explosives" and another that said "Fuck you all, I play football." MJ decided to take it because it had more space for the babies. Peter put Kitten's carrier in the back and drove off to the vet who was about 10 minutes away. He took the meowing Kitten into the waiting room where there was a small dog and another cat. Much to Peter's surprise, Tara Quinn was the owner of the other cat. She walked over and sat next to him. The cat was a orange tabby with a white paw. Kitten and the other cat started to purr at each other loudly and rub against the bars.

"Hey there! How are you doing?" She was _way_ too perky for him.

"I'm just really tired...Kitten seems to like your cat...what's her name?" Peter asked.

"_His_ name is Boots. They do seem to like each other. How's MJ?"

"She's okay..." A woman in scrubs decorated with puppies stepped out with a small file in her hand.

"Kitten Parker?" Peter stood up and walked Kitten back after waving goodbye to Tara. He opened the cat carrier and Kitten stepped out of it. The vet examined her a little bit before speaking. "So what's been happening with her?"

"She's been throwing up and acting a bit sleepier than usual...but then again, everyone in our house has...my wife just had triplets..."

"Congratulations...I'm going to give her a test..." The vet took a syringe out of a can and gently took blood from Kitten's leg without her flinching. "I'll be right back." She left the small room. Kitten started to purr. Peter gently petted her on the back.

"Stupid cat...you know what would really suck? If you were having kittens...but I doubt that...my spider sense isn't that strong..." He spoke to Kitten quietly. Peter slowly drifted off while petting her. He heard the door open and the doctor come in.

"Well Mr. Parker, it looks like your Kitten is having, well, kittens!" Peter fainted onto the floor.

AN: Sorry it was so short! It'll be longer next time! No flames on the reviews!


	8. Kitten's kittens and the end

AN: Next chapter even though I only got one review... (Glares at readers).

4 months later...

The triplets had finally started to sleep through the night and MJ and Peter could finally get some sleep. MJ even had some chances to go to the gym to work off the baby fat. She'd lost a lot of it but Kitten had gained weight. Kitten's belly had started to drag on the ground a little bit because of all the kittens she was going to have. The vet estimated about 8.

Peter had a job at a private high school teaching biology. It surprisingly was harder than teaching college students. They were loud and rowdy and often didn't pay attention. However, Megan or Meg, the Madison's teenaged daughter was a good student and behaved. She was pulling an "A".

It was another near-end to a normal day. Peter was packing up his briefcase with papers and cleaning off the board. There was a knock on the door.

"Mr. Parker?" It was Meg still in her school uniform, a white button down shirt with a blue and white plaid skirt. Usually students changed out of their uniforms the second after the last class was over.

"Hi there!" Peter smiled. Meg blushed a little bit.

"Hi, um, my mom told me to ask you if you and your wife wanted to come over to dinner. She said that my cousin could take care of the triplets if you wanted." Meg fidgeted with the corner of her book.

"Sure, that would be great. What time?" He buckled the case closed and pushed in his chair.

"Uh, at 6?"

"Great, see you then!" Meg waved with a blush still on her cheeks and slipped out of the classroom. Peter sighed. He'd been overhearing girls in the hall saying how he was cute and hot ever since he arrived.

"Why did they all wait until I was out of high school and married?" He grumbled to himself. He drove home in the smaller car and found MJ sitting in the triplet's room next to Kitten's birth box.

"Tiger, Kitten's having the babies! I couldn't get you on your phone. She's had 7 already!" Kitten meowed looking as if she was in pain. 7 tiny kittens were curled up near Kitten's belly. Their small chests moved up and down at the same time. Some were squeaking and squirming. Peter set down his briefcase and sat next to MJ. Kitten yowled like a creature from another planet. "Oo, it's okay Kitty, I know how you feel..."

The last kitten came out of Kitten. Peter sat with a green look on his normally creamy complexion. MJ looked at him and laughed.

"Oh my god, you actually sat and watched all of these little cats get born?" Kitten was gently cleaning the white and orange kittens. MJ gave him a kiss.

"It's just the miracle of life Peter...no wonder you fainted when you took a look under the blanket."

"Oh yeah, I forgot, we're having dinner at the Madisons tonight at six. We can take the triplets, but what about the kittens?" Peter loosened his tie.

"The book that the vet gave us said that we should leave a new mother alone for a while in a closed place...Should we move the litter box in here?" MJ stood up and brushed off some imaginary crumbs off of her shirt.

"Yeah I guess. I'll get it while you get dressed." Peter also stood up and walked over to the cribs. Daveigh was sleeping, Lauren was chewing on her blanket and Ben was hugging a stuffed hippo. Peter smiled and picked up his only son. Ben giggled. Peter gently bounced him up and down and then put him back into the crib gently. He walked into his bedroom where MJ was already dressed in a red shirt and pants. Peter removed his tie and changed his shoes. MJ got the triplets ready and they finally left, arriving at the house at 6 on the dot. Meg's cousin Sally took the triplets upstairs. She didn't even want to have dinner with them at all.

"Hello there!" Lois exclaimed. "You look fabulous MJ! Let's go ahead and eat!"

"Thanks!" They followed Lois and Meg into the dining room. The dinner went pretty smoothly except for when Joseph knocked down some lemonade trying to be a monkey. The couple picked up their children from upstairs after and went home. After getting dressed for bed, they went to check up on the triplets.

"They're so precious aren't they?" MJ whispered.

"Yeah..." Peter put his arm around MJ's waist.

"But tiger, when I asked why we had children...well, you don't have to remind me why we did this...just letting you know." MJ said.

"When did that happen?" Peter asked her. Outside of the window, Joseph was running on their lawn with his underwear outside of his shorts screaming, "I'm SUPERMAN!". He jumped up into the air and...flew away?!

"What the hell was that?" MJ asked.

"I'm not sure. Let's go to bed."

"Good idea." Then MJ and Peter went to sleep and lived a happy life with their children and cats.

THE END

AN: The crappiest ending on earth award goes to...ME! I couldn't find out how to end it so I just sort of cut it off. I may or may not make a sequel or epilogue because it depends on the reviews! Love ya!


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